My Name is John Merrick...

Dear Diary,
Today i was abused. The Night Porter came into my room and began ti hurt me. I felt completely violated. He brought people into my room and and they began to laugh and judge me. It was like someone had ripped me out of the comfort of this hospital and threw me back into he freak show. I couldn't believe it was actually happening until the porter showed me a mirror. I could see myself, and it suddenly hit me. I felt all of my emotions come to me and I began to cry. everything happened so fast, but i felt like a rag doll being pushed and forced to do things. They even poured alcohol into my mouth and when i thought it was over, i saw Bytes stay. I cant describe what he did, but it was horrendous. I will never forget this...

Welcome to my Nightmare.....Bwahahahaha

            My biggest nightmare has to be being inadequate. As an athlete, I train hard everyday to be able to compete at a high level during game time situations.  My dad has always told me that excellence can be achieved through hard work, dedication, and practice.  Practice for me is where the athlete is made.  Practice doesn’t make perfect; perfect practice makes perfect.  You have to apply yourself to do an activity over and over again, never straying too far from the perfect technique.  So when I hear the word fear, I can quickly relate it to inadequacy. When you practice hard and feel like giving in to your pain, you often try to self motivate reminding yourself that it will all pay off game time.  So for me to give every ounce of myself in practice and not be able to execute or do well in a game, it scares me. Sacrifices are meant to better your situation, so they cant be for not.  I feel like fear fuels me sometimes though, it drives me to work that much harder so I wont be inadequate.